Garden Dilemmas, Delights & Discoveries, Ask Mary Stone, New Jersey Garden blog

The Garden Teaches Letting Go

Hello, fellow lovers of all things green.

a deer damaged holly tree in the snow with a red and white star topper.

Ellie’s Damaged Tree

Decorating with What Remains

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was on a scavenger hunt to decorate window boxes and pots. Well, the holly branches chewed off Ellie’s memorial holly dried out amazingly fast, likely due to the buck’s dose of urine during marking his territory. Still, I put them in my much-adored Mother Earth face pot given to me by a longtime client. When they moved from their home, they gave it to me—a gift I cherish and decorate each season, as I did at their home for many years.

Jolee, a white dog wiht a black mask looking into a bucket of holly branches. The soil in the pot was frozen solid, so I ventured into the potting shed and found other containers that hadn’t frozen. I used them the way florists use foam for arrangements. How clever am I? While positioning the deer-pruned branches, all the holly leaves pretty much crumbled; most of the leaves landed in the snow in front of the face. While they didn’t add anything to the aesthetic, I left them there. There was something quietly healing about using them for the purpose of having a purpose, despite the damage to Ellie’s tree.

When the Desired Becomes Invasive

While decorating, I reflected on my recent garden renovation—removing the telephone-pole retaining walls left by the previous owner and installing a magnificent boulder wall, a project long wished for. In doing so, I dug out and tossed plants I had planted 20 years ago that had become invasive—never having imagined that outcome. They were plants commonly used in the landscape industry when the movement for deer-resistant plants became a necessity—the first generation of butterfly bush, a prolific seeder. Yes, butterflies dance on the nectar when it’s in bloom, but it isn’t a host plant for them. Winter container decorated with deer-pruned holly branches in a Mother Earth face pot, symbolizing garden resilience and healing.

Barberry. Ugh! The beast is taking over the forest floors. I didn’t plant the ones we removed. But they sure have self-seeded and planted themselves. Then there’s the Little Princess Spirea I did plant regretfully—so many volunteers.

Seasons Change—So Do Relationships

It’s interesting how what was once desired becomes invasive, taking over, squelching the growth of other things, making a jumbled mess. But the upside is I’ve grown in my profession, learning not to force things, which has led to using primarily native plants; thankfully, a growing desire among clients. I have an 80/20 goal — a garden of 80 percent native plants and 20 percent non-invasive ornamentals that support wildlife. But sometimes native plants can overwhelm, too, like Rudbeckia (Black-eyed Susan). Rude Becky, I often say. Nothing against you, Becky, you sure are pretty. And serve pollinators.

a forty-foot Tuliptree with light green leaves growing in a lawn

Standing below the Momma tulip tree feels sacred.

Everything has its season. And seasons end as a new season unfolds. Just as relationships and friendships end, though some continue to grow season to season, year after year, like the Tulip trees around the property. Mother Nature seems to have chosen them to replenish the beech trees declining due to beech leaf disease. I still hug Mr. Beech, who’s center stage in my yard. Maybe I can’t save him; perhaps he won’t be able to live here anymore, but I can still love him even after he’s gone. I’m hoping he will heal, but I can’t make it happen.

The Garden of Life, Still Unfolding

Plants like relationships grow. Sometimes they outgrow their pots or garden space and need to be transplanted. Yes, you can prune them for a while, but eventually their vigor fades. And if you don’t move or remove them when they become invasive and squelch other desirable plants, things will die. Or they will. But it doesn’t mean you’ve lost love for them. The same is true in our lives. Still, it’s hard to let go.

On my website, in ‘About the Author,’ I write: “As a Landscape Designer, I am grateful for the joy of helping others beautify their surroundings, which often leads to sharing encouragement and life experiences. These relationships inspired my weekly column in The Press and podcast. I dream of growing the evolving community to share encouragement and support in Garden and Personal Recoveries — seeking nature’s inspiration, stimulating growth, weeding out undesirables, and embracing the unexpected.”

Little did I know that, in fulfilling the dream, I’d be helping myself heal and grow, too. Thank you, kind readers and podcast listeners, for being part of this evolving garden of life. Wishing you a joyful holiday season. Garden Dilemmas? AskMaryStone.com and your favorite Podcast App.

There’s more to the story in the Garden Dilemma’s Podcast:

Related Posts and Podcasts you’ll Enjoy.

Treasured Tulip Trees 

Ep 61. A Story of Treasured Tuliptrees

Beloved Beech Trees and Worrisome Beech Leaf Disease 

Ep 45. Beloved Mr. Beech

Alternatives to Invasive Barberry 

Ep 212. Beavers vs. Woodchucks – Barberry Alternatives

Mary Stone, owner of Stone Associates Landscape Design & Consulting. As a Landscape Designer, I am grateful for the joy of helping others beautify their surroundings which often leads to sharing encouragement and life experiences. These relationships inspired my weekly column published in THE PRESS, 'Garden Dilemmas? Ask Mary', began in 2012. I dream of growing the evolving community of readers into an interactive forum to share encouragement and support in Garden and Personal Recoveries - seeking nature’s inspirations, stimulating growth, weeding undesirables, embracing the unexpected. Thank you for visiting! Mary

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